Notes to Mike

July 9, 2022 Dear Mike, I made another YouTube thing on The Art of War. I got 8 views. I'm like so all that. Remember that it is you who created this monster. I was perfectly content with just writing. The new article I will be working on is Machiavelli's The Prince. I read it like a million years ago, and now I'm rereading it. Have you seen any good shows on Netflix? I just finished season 3 of The Umbrella Academy. I'm so into sci-fi/fantasy/time travel.  Have you read any good books recently? I've been trying to get through The Gulag Archipelago. It's so tragic that it made me cry. People were put to death in Russia for trying to do something good and decent. The injustice of it… I don't know how I feel about Las Vegas. My happiness is my kids. My obligation is to my mother.  I broke it. I'm not sure how I was so talented as to break being a mom. I tried so hard Mike. I don't know what in me was so insufficient.   Comedy or tragedy?...

July 8, 2022 Dear Mike, My mom is worried about a nuclear fallout with Russia/Ukraine/USA.  I told her about my guy over here, that he was sick, and really all the things that he does to drive me crazy.  For the first time in her life, she empathized with my situation.  She said, "Make sure you call him Betty." I replied, "No, mom.  I can't give people more than what they deserve." She got flustered and ended our conversation. Did I say that my mom was controlling?  Yeah. Today I learned about the components of trust.  It's when someone knows that you're authentic, when you have their best interest at heart.   I also learned about what precipitates a relationship breaking up, when someone makes you feel like you don't rate at all and everything else is more important. I watched a funny Kung Fu movie on Netflix and was trying to get into it with June, a cashier at Sav A Lot.  She did the Kung Fu Kid crane stance.  I mimicked her.  Sh...

July 7, 2022 Dear Mike, It feels like I've fallen into a rabbit hole. It's cold, deep and dark.   Today I'm sad. I know you're really fond of that, me, taking you on a journey that you've gone on all too often and actually really never wish to revisit, but I just put it in your face like you have the power to fix all ailments. But you can't. You're a man and men are driven to fix things and you hate me because I just put endless problems before you. I'm like this malware bot that breaks down your system and you can't even recognize yourself anymore because I'm so good at steeping you in my travails. Maybe it's called hijacking. Nonetheless… Your favorite words in this world from me is, Mike, I'm so sad. Yeah, I know, you've fallen for that one before. And I am sad, Mike, not utterly, not completely, not wholeheartedly but still, it's there. I don't know if I'm just exercising self pity at this point. Self pity is ...

July 6, 2022 Dear Mike, I was just telling someone about you today.   About how I fucked everything up, how losing your friendship was such an incredible devastation. Having struggled with that failure for an entire year made me become a different person. I hope North Carolina is having nice weather this summer. I hope you're reminding your daughter of how much you adore her quirky ways. My life has been tumultuous in recent months and now I sort of have a boyfriend. It's really fun on some days because he's really funny. We are a good match. I'm getting along with my mom, like we have such a great relationship. It's everything and nothing all in the same breath because you know… I'm a stoic. Denial of need or desire is just at the forefront of how I process life. Mike, you're so valuable to me because I love how your mind works and your capacity for insight.   I wish that I could meet you one day.   That's gotta be on my bucket list. Oh, and the ...