Notes to Mike

July 8, 2022 Dear Mike, My mom is worried about a nuclear fallout with Russia/Ukraine/USA.  I told her about my guy over here, that he was sick, and really all the things that he does to drive me crazy.  For the first time in her life, she empathized with my situation.  She said, "Make sure you call him Betty." I replied, "No, mom.  I can't give people more than what they deserve." She got flustered and ended our conversation. Did I say that my mom was controlling?  Yeah. Today I learned about the components of trust.  It's when someone knows that you're authentic, when you have their best interest at heart.   I also learned about what precipitates a relationship breaking up, when someone makes you feel like you don't rate at all and everything else is more important. I watched a funny Kung Fu movie on Netflix and was trying to get into it with June, a cashier at Sav A Lot.  She did the Kung Fu Kid crane stance.  I mimicked her.  Sh...

July 7, 2022 Dear Mike, It feels like I've fallen into a rabbit hole. It's cold, deep and dark.   Today I'm sad. I know you're really fond of that, me, taking you on a journey that you've gone on all too often and actually really never wish to revisit, but I just put it in your face like you have the power to fix all ailments. But you can't. You're a man and men are driven to fix things and you hate me because I just put endless problems before you. I'm like this malware bot that breaks down your system and you can't even recognize yourself anymore because I'm so good at steeping you in my travails. Maybe it's called hijacking. Nonetheless… Your favorite words in this world from me is, Mike, I'm so sad. Yeah, I know, you've fallen for that one before. And I am sad, Mike, not utterly, not completely, not wholeheartedly but still, it's there. I don't know if I'm just exercising self pity at this point. Self pity is ...

July 6, 2022 Dear Mike, I was just telling someone about you today.   About how I fucked everything up, how losing your friendship was such an incredible devastation. Having struggled with that failure for an entire year made me become a different person. I hope North Carolina is having nice weather this summer. I hope you're reminding your daughter of how much you adore her quirky ways. My life has been tumultuous in recent months and now I sort of have a boyfriend. It's really fun on some days because he's really funny. We are a good match. I'm getting along with my mom, like we have such a great relationship. It's everything and nothing all in the same breath because you know… I'm a stoic. Denial of need or desire is just at the forefront of how I process life. Mike, you're so valuable to me because I love how your mind works and your capacity for insight.   I wish that I could meet you one day.   That's gotta be on my bucket list. Oh, and the ...

Dear Mike, I'm just overwhelmed by an incredible amount of sadness. If you could localize what's wrong with my head, I would really appreciate that. It can't be the ugly mug that sits in front of it. That's already accounted for!   So… let's make a list… too much writing… is it like an Achilles heel? Damn it! If that's it, then I'm just fucked all over. It's just what I do and I exert too much poetic license. I give myself too many liberties. Or maybe it needs to be directed because there is too much capacity. Mike, I love you, because you're my friend. Betty

Hey, I was listening to Prisoners of Geography. https://youtu.be/-6-GjbGomF8 It's so amazing. It's such a beautiful life when you can piece together interconnecting puzzle pieces in geopolitics. I love war, or maybe just the challenge of winning, where you examine the myriad of details that make for success.   George Washington mastered the terrain because he used to work as a surveyor measuring the rise and fall of land.   One of my favorite reads was The Journal of Lewis and Clark. They were sent by President Jefferson to find a waterway that stretched east/west across the United States. There is no such water way but their journey was amazing. They surveyed the land, documented the rivers, collected plant and animal samples, survived hostile Indians and treacherous weather. It was arduous and groundbreaking because they were scouts. After them Americans poured westward from the original thirteen colonies.   Human beings are incredibly hardy. Their...

Dear Mike, How are you? Omg! I had the best time sharing with my friend, Steve a history lessen about how Hannibal brought elephants over the Alps. I did impressions of Hannibal convincing the French to join his cause. It was funny. Steve is a really sweet person. He works in IT. He has a deliberate and cautious demeanor. I always like to say stupid stuff to make him laugh. We do photography. It's been months.   So. Patrick. It's completely bizarre because Patrick and Steve are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Patrick is magnetic. A lot of good qualities. I'm teaching him meditation. I'm helping him mend something broken inside of him.   I wish you were here. My job is to put a smile on your face and I promise you, I can deliver. Because I love. I have the privilege of being your friend. It has significant meaning. Well, I would say, find joy, but you already do. I wish you perfect days. Betty