July 6, 2022

July 6, 2022

Dear Mike,

I was just telling someone about you today.  

About how I fucked everything up, how losing your friendship was such an incredible devastation. Having struggled with that failure for an entire year made me become a different person.

I hope North Carolina is having nice weather this summer. I hope you're reminding your daughter of how much you adore her quirky ways.

My life has been tumultuous in recent months and now I sort of have a boyfriend. It's really fun on some days because he's really funny. We are a good match. I'm getting along with my mom, like we have such a great relationship. It's everything and nothing all in the same breath because you know… I'm a stoic. Denial of need or desire is just at the forefront of how I process life.

Mike, you're so valuable to me because I love how your mind works and your capacity for insight.  

I wish that I could meet you one day.  

That's gotta be on my bucket list.

Oh, and the sort of boyfriend guy, yeah, he really enjoys the anguish that I inflict upon him because I'm so "in your face" about stuff. Like I'm brave, courageous and audacious and all, but it's like I take no prisoners. I'm very demanding that other people are as brave, courageous and audacious as well. That's just hard.

I wonder what you're like Mike, how the inner workings of your mind works? What component of it is ruled by emotions? What component of it is ruled by logic.  

I wish we could have discussed how you saw the world more. That would have been so fascinating.

I wish you could have told me endless stories of your work with children. I would have treasured that.

Aside from my sort of boyfriend, you mean the world to me. I hope that we can be a continuing point of meaning in each other's lives.

I've been falling behind in my job to make you smile as penance for two weeks of endless texting.

I just want you to know that you're not alone. I have you. You can count on that Mike.

Betty