Notes to Mike

Hey, I made this video of pastor Zack the other day. https://youtu.be/5vNFZA3nY6U5 How are you? I just rewatched another of your videos on YouTube. You need to make more. Please. I miss how bright your spirit is. You're just so beautiful in front of the camera. I went straight out and bought the trimmer you recommended! Just kidding. But you are very adorable! I miss your perspective. I was thinking this morning of how my singing voice is such an embarrassment to myself and that I seriously needed to keep my day job.   Yesterday I got to tell someone about Breeanna and all the ways that she literally drove me crazy through the years. My daughter is just the absolute best! Inclusive, bright, witty! Anything she says can be taken on three different levels? I can't say that about anybody else I've ever come across!   Did I tell you that when she was five years old, she got sooooooo mad at me that she used five consecutive curse words to put me in my place? It w...

Dear Mike, Drugs and alcohol.  It's form of suicide.  I'm on a slow suicide mission.   I feel listless. I wish I was more. Remember when I told you that I had never been born.  If I blink my eyes and make it so, then I would.  The cashier at Sav A Lot came upon a victim of a  motorcycle crash not two hours ago.  The guy was more on the gone side rather than the here side.  His body lay motionless in the street as the police pulled up. It brought back memories of her daughter dying.   Jun rang out my order.  Her eyes were swollen.  Her demeanor was forlorn.  I asked her what happened. She was inaudible as she tried to explain. Her daughter was five.  She was in the ambulance as they tried to resuscitate her.  It didn't work. Two weeks after that her father died. I told her what anybody would want to hear.  I gave her strength to pull herself together, get perspective and continue with fortitude.  Th...

Preface When I was little I remember wanting a stuffed animal. I wanted a big brother to protect me. I used to tell my teachers in Vietnam that I spoke fluent English even though I spoke no English at all. I never wanted to be anything when I grew up because I never knew you had to get a job and make your own way in the world. In those days I had long mangling hair that was uncut because my father didn't believe in cutting hair for girls. In Vietnam I remember taking group martial arts outdoors and after having watched sooooooo many martial arts movies as a child even by the ripe age of five, I told my instructors that I could easily leap onto the rooftops as they did in the movies. I got A's, B's and C's at school. I think the question that adults often ask children--What do you want to be when you grow up? Is one that needs clarification. Firstly, your question in living life and getting to know yourself each day, is who am I? What am I good at? Wh...

Dear Mike, There's really no one to talk to.  It's bleak an empty.  Everyone has lives and I fit into a very small compartment of that life. So yeah I have a host of people but Brian does computer nerdy techy stuff.  Helen does Norwegian Dutch I must follow the rules shit.  William, well, he's suffering from breakup pangs. So I'm not as smart as you are. I don't know how that computes. You don't know what you don't know.  But I'm a little broken right now. And I know that your meditation helps you with your brokeness.   I know I'm a fuck up.  I know I'm self centered. Mike, why can't we just close eyes and be invisible?  It's not fair.  It's not fair that my brain is so utterly defective.  It's not fair that my life has been so utterly broken.   I'm trying what I'm trying to be. By April. I'm reaching with every breath I take  Now I'm broken.  I'm good at being broken.  Broken over my children.  Broken...

Hi Mike, It's so awkward this blog and all.  But it's me and myself.   And my indolence.   And lack of falling in to authority.  It's all of it.   And it's you for resonating with me.

So I went to quit my job yesterday.  But Nikkie said if she could be my my aide maybe I could stay.   The seventh graders were out of their seats the whole class period.  It was chaos.   I didn't have the temperament to handle that. So the school is trying to get me not to give up.  So I'm trying.

Hey, I guess my mom feels better about me.  She will be buying me a new car for Christmas.  I pleaded for her not to but she kept insisting.   I'm favoring the Honda Ridgeline. Things are crazy. I'm teaching 7th and 8th grade English and History.  The class is unruly but I am learning. Betty