#12 April 24, 2021

Dear Mike,

There were many good parts about yesterday.  Stan adores my writing.  He likes me incredibly a lot.  We do hold different views on religion.  He likes to talk to me.  I just listen.  I'm trying to understand him.  He loves his dog.  It's his best friend and his entire world.  

My personality is that I'm highly adaptable.  Whoever people are, I generally try to accept them.  Stan holds me in high regard for some reason.  I don't know his thinking.  But I'm a quick study.

I had various confrontations at school yesterday.  Chief among them was this boy who played his phone loudly and walked around the classroom.  We got into a verbal thing.  At the end I recounted his affronts then said  sarcastically and in an icy tone, "That's attractive."  He simply had boundary issues that day and he wanted things to transpire as they had.  The question is why, when I  gave him every chance to comply.  It wasn't me that he was fighting with because I do not elicit war.  

A different student, Alonso, restlessly wore the carpet in the classroom and he refused to find a permanent chair.  He challenged my authority when I asked him to sit down.

"This is not your class," he said.

"I don't see your teacher here," I responded.  "I'm the adult in the room.  I'm filling in for your teacher.  We will go with my rules."  

Apparently Alonso, felt that "substitute teacher" means "complete lack of authority".  I provided definition as well as clarification.  I drew a  line in the sand for him and said, "Do not cross."   

My first period class was of a different flavor.

At the end of class as children were heading out the door I said, "Have a great day everybody!  Thanks for coming to school today."  Many students returned the sentiment.  My approval makes them feel validated.  When did I ever become so important in the world.  Go figure!  I'm grateful to make an impact.  It feels like success.

I miss your beauty in the world so profoundly Mike.  Stan is of a different flavor.  He has a common sensical kind of smart.  He's predictable.  You're not.  

I value the ways that your are.  I value your take on the world.  I value the ways that you strive to be.  

I told Stan today that he never had to endure a shattered childhood nor the emptiness of it.  His understanding of me is an intellectual enterprise in the exercise of the imagination.

That is our bond Mike, between you and me.  We get each other.  We get the distance that we had to travel to get to where we are now.  

Stan and I easily spent 5 hours on the phone today.  I haven't decided about him.  I hope that there is a reason to hope.  He's a bright boy and follows the intrinsicracies of all the rabbit holes that I lead him through.  I like boys with a good head on their shoulders.  He doesn't disappoint.  

So I mentioned my friend Mike to Stan and how I failed miserably as a friend.

As a human being.

It's hard for him to see me as a failure.  He likes me so incredibly much.  

My friend Mike likes Buddhism because he is wayward and stupid.  Like who is not all about sensual delights.  I am not about self denial.  If desire is pain then bring it on.  

On the other hand, my friend Mike has a higher intellect score and I am a Neaderthal.  Whatever.  Either scenarios will suffice.

I wish I had something to offer you about me Mike.  Something kind.  Something compassionate.  Something nurturing.  Something not so self involved.