#8 April 18, 2021

Hey,

I'm shopping for a gear bag.  

Just call me Ms. ready to do an interview on the spot, anytime.  

I'm really psyched about this, capturing people's ideas about successful adulting.  

I think it's about my son, how much I'm trying to help him avoid the pitfalls of life.

The blog, the YouTube channel.  Primary mission objective: being a mom.

New flavor of the day on eharmony.  I think I like him.  116 intellect.  92 self control.  114 desire for relational closeness.  We are evenly matched on all three fronts but eharmony only gave us a 99 compatibility rating.  

This is definitely my type.  And he does meditation also.  

There's hope for having a person in my life that will be a value plus.  

Someone that I care enough about to engage with.

It looks promising.

My correspondence with a student at Thurgood Marshall High School.  She is an aspiring writer.  I'm trying to turn her on to meditation.  Who knows, maybe I can turn her onto to producing YouTube content.  She is a beautiful spirit.

I usually ask students if there is anybody who is an aspiring writer.  If anyone says yes then I show my journal about the cat presenting me with my gift of a dead mouse.  It usually gets a chuckle, especially the ending.

I just encourage my students to keep a journal, to write everyday and read alot.

I'm really developing friendships.  It's so awesome that I get to keep an ongoing dialogue with people who knows that I'm here to support them.  

I love being a substitute teacher.   On easy days I'm at the computer writing and researching all day.  

I get to socialize with really sweet, beautiful children and growing adults.  

They adore me because I'm approachable.  

Well, that's on a good day.  

On a bad day it can get stressful.  But I'm very much a bad ass.  I talk a bad ass game and I deliver.  

I've been at this for three years.  It's getting easy.

I'm trying to figure out how to join a Toastmasters club in the area.  Not all of us are so composed as you behind the camera.  

I really need this superpower.  

According to Jordan Peterson you need to develop the capacity for writing and speaking.  Speaking?  Not my strong suit.  But I think I can work on that.

Your next assignment is going to be a recurring daily assignment.

That is to ask yourself this question:

"What can I learn from today?"

"What’s absolutely perfect about my life?"

"What’s the best thing that could happen today?"

"What do I have to look forward to?"

I think maybe I can focus on learning how to do the uncomfortable.  I can do this.  That is what the universe needs to teach me.  What's absolutely perfect about my life?  You.  What's the best thing that could possibly happen?  For me to meet someone on eHarmony.  Like it would be nice but I doubt anything will happen.  What do I have to look forward to?  The results of my work.  

Lunch date with Tracy today.  I've known her for 17 years.  We always get together at least twice a year one for my birthday the other for her birthday. She's up. We're doing Vietnamese.  

Thank you for being in my life Mike.

I think having a blog is a far less disruptive way for us to be friends.

And because I'm not currently in a relationship it wouldn't be good for us to communicate directly because it would be what I would push for.

And that's not okay.

You have to have space.

I have to give you space.

I'm not capable of doing that right now.

And then on top of all of it I need to be a value add.

I just have to sort it all out. Become a better person. Not yet caught up in all the ways that I can't get caught up in.

I'm grateful that you're giving me the year Mike.  Thank you.

And I know that you care about me.  Thank you for that too.

I just want to contribute to who you are and what you're trying to accomplish with your life.  Whatever that is Mike just count me in.

Hey I just figured out some about eharmony.  So it's like a business model and a numbers game for sure.  There are a lot of people in this world and in order to find whoever's right for you you really just have to put out a lot of greetings and whatnot.  

On the app it shows if someone has viewed your message.  

After they view my message I just give them my phone number and tell them to call me.

It's a directive. People normally comply which is really cool because then you can have a telephone interview.  

I believe that I am master at turning people down within 30 seconds of them talking to me.  

I just say I'm sorry I don't think we're a good match.

It's really easy.

I think a lot of people just are very reticent. They don't respond to my initial written messages.  Maybe some people are more visual and some people are more auditory?

Anyways I thought I'd give you that tip even though you didn't ask for any advice.  I'm sorry for giving unsolicited advice. My guy David didn't seem to mind it last night when I mapped out his life for him.

It would be nice for you to be with someone who you find delight in.

I really want that for you.

I hope you're having a really great day.

What makes me happy is reminding my daughter how lucky I am to be her mom.

My daughter is really quick with words.  She's a very precise thinker. When she says something it can be taken three different ways on most days.  

My daughter is really fun to be with.

My son is really awesome too.

If you get him in the right mood he is lethal with how funny he can get.  I mean he is utterly brilliant.

The time with children do go by so quickly don't they?  

I truly cherish my children to the end of the world and back.

The thing is I really feel sorry for my ex-husband. Because of how he is. Not a fun person to be around then he doesn't have any friends.  He has one friend that he plays golf with once a month.

But I just don't want my ex-husband to be lonely.

That's why the kids are with him.

It's not good for them because he doesn't provide enough structure.

But he loves them so dearly.  

We both love the kids.

They utterly adore him.  

If the kids being with him is not a good place I would never allow it.

He's always been a really good dad.  My kids are so lucky to have both of us completely dedicated to them.

I'm unpacking the ice maker.  Yay! Luxurious living here I come!  I'm going to be so pampered.  I can have ice whenever I want.  Life is beautiful.  

I've got two people that texted me.  I think they have had precisely 30 seconds of my life and that is sufficient.  I will text them back tomorrow.

It's a perfect day outside today.  I wish I could know how you would describe your perfect day.  My day is just filled with freedom and contentment.  And joy and peace.  I'm grateful for a very shedding cat that leaves hair everywhere.  I'm reluctantly grateful for a friend who is so desirously wants to be with me.  I don't know why I'm so important.  I wish I wasn't.  But she truly loves me.  I am just not social.  And she's not my type.  But she so incredibly loves me.  

I've got ice from the icemaker!  I'm in heaven!

I bought a window fan.  It will be nice once I get it installed.  I don't run the air conditioner in the summer.  I am very frugal.  Anyways I like discomfort.  It builds character.  

Ooh.  I got a rejection note on eharmony.  I love it.  I'm not everybody's cup of tea.  But I'm grateful for the disqualification because it narrows the field.  It is like walking into Walmart and you have every conceivable choice.  It's not easy.

The only thing that I want to promote is for you to feel safe and secure being within yourself.  That there's something I could contribute that makes life more palatable.  I think that's what being a friend is about.  

I know that you've had a rough go at it. But I'm really glad that you're here Mike.  I also know that you inherited your intelligence from your mother. So she must have been one hell of a smart mother fucker.  I am sorry that her intentions did not promote you.  It did not provide for you. Most of all it did not nurture you. We don't get to choose our parents. It's just the fucking luck of the draw.  

She did give you something amazing. She gave you your intellect.  She gave you your DNA and genetic code and programming.  Look at who you are right now. You are beyond awesome. And I'm just speaking from my perspective.  I'm just telling you what I see. And you would have to value my opinion to give it consideration.

I care about you so deeply and immensely.  It doesn't mean that I require you to be my husband or my boyfriend.  It just means that you are incredible in some way that I can't even put to words.  

I am so very thankful that I met you.

Tracy and Betty

I laid it out for Tracy.  She's very concerned about having enough money saved so that her children can attend college.  

My mother has money and I won't allow my mother to pay for my children's college education.  

Tracy is worried about herself and her husband having to deal with college debt and she longs for her inheritance from both of their parents though they haven't passed away yet.

I told her that mankind has been around for 3 million years and college debt is not among the top issues of humanity most especially in the afterlife.

I'm not sure that Tracy expected me to say that to her.

Today was so amazing in terms of the weather. You must love perfect days like today.  

I wonder if you were installing lights or trimming shrubs, or checking emails or just hanging out with your daughter.  

I wonder what it's like when you meditate.  If you listen to a guided meditation or do you just focus on your breath?

I don't think that I've meditated very much recently.

I need to get back to that.

Yuval Harari said that meditation  brought him much clarity.   

There's so much that I want to accomplish in life:

I want to start on my masters in psychology in 3 years.  

Then after that I'd like to get a PhD in something.  Maybe English.  

Charles, high school education, 102 intellect, 102 self control, 124 desire for relational closeness, lives in PA, believes in God

I like him. He's really sweet.  He said the night sky was beautiful in Pennsylvania.  

He's not tech savvy at all.

I sent him jordan Petterson's biblical series on youtube.

https://youtu.be/f-wWBGo6a2w

It will literally blow his mind because he loves reading the bible.

It was really nice to talk him.  There was a calmness with which he conveyed himself.

But I don't think we are a good match because of our religious differences.  I guess I can see how it unfolds.

Patrick just turned me onto to Bruce Lipton.  Lipton states that 

1. Genes don’t play a key role in determining our biological development.

Well, that's not what I heard but I can give this a shot?

https://www.google.com/search?q=bruce+lipton+book+summary&oq=bruce+lipton&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j46i433j0j46.7034j0j4&client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Youtube summary

https://youtu.be/qyBOKZ97J40

“Suddenly I realized that a cell’s life is fundamentally controlled by the physical and energetic environment with only a small contribution by its genes. Genes are simply molecular blueprints used in the construction of cells, tissues and organs. The environment serves as the “contractor” who reads and engages those genetic blueprints and is ultimately responsible for the character of a cell’s life.”

That realization was a transformative moment, both for Lipton and for modern biology. It endorsed the notion that genes only determine a small part of who we are – and that we can shape our own destiny to a previously unimaginable extent.

The good news is that later in life we can still re-wire even the earliest-installed programs. This is probably the most optimistic conclusion of the new approach to biology proposed by Lipton.

Go figure!

I hope your world was amazing today.  Mine was close to perfection.