#17 April 30, 2021

Dear Mike,

Oooh.  Really interesting...

Jordan Petterson on consciousness and what is real:

https://youtu.be/tLteWutitFM

Petterson said that we don't see people.  We only see shadows.  

“We shall not cease from exploration 

And the end of all our exploring 

Will be to arrive where we started 

And know the place for the first time.”   --T.S. Eliot

Thank you for giving me the year Mike.  By April of 2022 I will let you know if I can be a good friend by then.  I'm not sure if I could ever be the person that doesn't bring stress into your world.  We have a writing relationship.  In writing resides the world of thought.  In my thoughts I feel more resounding.  I don't know that I could be a person that is non-destructive to you.  I'm trying.  And I just failed.  

Through my failed relationship with Stan, I lashed out.  

I allowed my anger to cause a scatter array of vindictiveness.  

That would not have served you Mike.  As the kids would say in high school TMI.  

So friendship between you and I should be that place where we help each other achieve balance.  

I know there are good points about me that are uplifting and grand and adventurous.

But I think I have to take the whole of my intentions into consideration.

The whole of it must produce an outcome of, "Do no harm."

I can't live up to that right now.  That bar is too high for my reach.