#15 April 27, 2021

 

Dear Mike,

Today I am studying rhetorical devices.  It's fascinating.  It's a means of persuasion.

I just sent a very unkind note to Stan.

I don't know if I can ever get there Mike.  

I'm not proud of myself.

Mike it felt really good to be cruel to Stanm.  I'm not sure that I could ever make myself into the person that turns the other cheek and allows misdeeds to go unpunished.

There was a mental block on Stan's end, like he didn't realize what he was doing was wrong.  He justified himself somehow.  It was like he was waiting for a victim to come along and fall into his trap.  

There wasn't compassion about him.  He was just truly into  himself.  

When you are  harming others in the process then it only serves your needs.  He would have harmed me.  He would have taken my time while our intentions were not in allignment.  He would have seen it and he would have known it.  He would have lived in the lie.  When you approach a situation with dishonesty that makes you not a good person.  

Sometimes though honesty can be a weapon.  It's my weapon of choice.  

My brand of cruelty is in showing people their self reflection and to take away their delusions.  

I'm listening to 8 Mindful Steps to Happiness.  I suppose in my most recent actions I was causing suffering.  

Maybe the will against causing suffering is a virtue.  Maybe it is a worthy goal.  

I told my bus driver as I was leaving:

"Shawn, stay out of trouble!" 

He replied:

"Nope!"

He's really funny.  He said that his job was hard because he had to deal with the public.  I said that from my experience people are always nice to bus drivers.  He said I would do well as a comedian.  We discussed mental instability, the things opposing good government, poor choices of high school students and the scientific definition of beautiful in science text books: Betty Bassett.

Perhaps I could have approached the situation with Stan with more compassion.  I resided in his bad intentions as opposed to feeling for the trauma that he endured and was trying to distance himself from.  I am also at fault.

See Mike I'm such a derelict of a human being.   Just because other people make the wrong choice I could have approached it differently.  

I could have been better.

I should have been better.